.electoro.mind.

My fucking brain won’t shut up! It won’t stop thinking…of everything I haven’t achieved in my life, of everything I have started and not completed, about everything I’ve proposed and didn’t even start, about the truckloads of blah blah and the lack of content in my life book, about how the cup is half empty and of course, about eveything I’ve lost. This mischevious and devious brain of mine works way faster than my body (no shit) and keeps reminding me of all this and what do I have on my defense? Let me sleep? I’ll eventually do it? It’s not entirely my fault? Again, ignoring, postponing, blaming…is this the best I can do? Is this what I’ll be doing all my life to avoid responsibility? It’s time to take action, but how many times I’ve said this?…how many left until… Meh, I should buy a cat, or a puppy, that ougth to make me feel better…

“You make decisions and you don’t look back.”; this is one of my favorite quotes and the most difficult to live to because sometimes, you need to become cold hearted to really grasp the idea. In my case, I tend to care too much, worry too much and even though this has helped me in the past, I’ve found that most of my insecurities are triggered exactly by that. I can’t deny what I feel, I can’t stop my blood from flowing, I can’t change my biology, so what is there to do? Fake it and slowly consume myself? Or slowly become the cold, reserved self that I used to be? No. I can’t even imagine the thought of that, this is me, this is what I’ve become and I’m fucking proud about it. This exact feeling is what reminds me of my humanity. I don’t have any external influence, there’s no pressure, there’s nothing to show anyone, it’s all in my head. I guess I won’t look back, but I’ll fucking worry.